Q:I’ve been with my boyfriend for over six years now.
I don’t know what “soon” means to him at this point!
I’m ready for the next step.
But I also dont want to be disappointed on my birthday if it doesnt happen!
We are very, very happy right now, so why can’t I let this go?
At least for now!
A:just let go of your embarrassment around wanting to get married.
Let go of what it says about you.
Whywouldn’tyou be excited for those things?
You cant let it go because its a fun thing youre looking forward to!
If someone was like, why cant I let go of thinking about my upcoming trip to Aruba?
I would be like… babe, do not let go of that.
Corny alert, but I would give a shot to appreciate this time as much as you might.
Enjoy the anticipation, savornotknowing.
In the meantime, I encourage you to consider what your ideal marriage looks like.
What parts of that do you already have with your boyfriend?
Ultimately, the decision on when to get married should be made together.
Its not yours to unilaterally makenor is it his!But the proposal part?
Thats a little harder.
Im going to recommend a Light Touch Talk about this.
and want to confirm Im not wildly off.
c’mon keep in mind that a lot of people have reasons to want toproposelater rather than sooner.
Many cite financial reasons they want to wait until they make $X or finish paying off Y.
He might be secretly planning something for the near future.
Maybe the idea of proposing in front of your family freaks him out and hed rather do something private.
I dont know when it will happen and you dont either!
But if you want it to be a surprise, this is how it happens.
If you dont want a surprise, tell him (do not hint!)
exactlywhat you envision.Voicing your desires isnt needy or pathetic or sad.
Its clear, loving communication the exact foundation on which a lasting relationship should be built.
And if you dont get engaged around your birthday, its OK to be privately disappointed about it.
The day will come and it will be wonderful.
If it doesnt happen soon, it doesnt mean youre loved any less.
Youre together now and you will be in the future.
Thats the good stuff!
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