It’s A Pleasure
Theyre still best friends.
Honestly, Im extremely uncomfortable with them being this close.
Ive been imagining them together in my head and Im struggling to think of anything else.
I dont know how to proceed with anything.
Its evenaffecting our sex lifebecause I start to think about it and just break down.
What can I do?
A:In general, its agreen flagwhen someone isfriendly with their ex.
It usually means they made mature and kind decisions at a difficult time (a breakup).
I am not against a partner hanging out with an ex even one on one!
Ultimately, either you trust them or you dont.
My dude, this is not friendly with an ex.
This isnt even friendswith an ex.
This is some weird other thing that we dont have words for.
And more damning than all of that, it is cruel to you and harmful to your relationship.
I do not know where your boyfriend got the sheer boldness to act this way.
My first inclination was to tell you tobreak up with him.
Now you know: Thoughtless behavior is not for you.
Its also a time when things should be relatively easy.
Im not saying that there arent important talks or lots of pain or big heartbreaks.
Or something else dire and exhausting.
That is fairly basic!
And what is he even getting out of reliving this stuff, in front of you or otherwise?
All that said, I like to leave room for people to Mess Up Big Time.
Mostly because Ive MUBT (and probably will again), and support those who have, too.
Also because, you know, were all human and this is our first time being alive.
There are manyrelationship problems that require Multiple Big Talks.
This is a rare case where one will do!
Its making me insecure and doubtful, and I dont think you want me to feel that way.
Im usually very against asking partners to cut people out of their lives.
You are not asking for a lot.
There is no room fornegociation(which is French for negotiation).
You do not need to compromise or make him feel better for having hurt your feelings repeatedly.
If he wants to be good to you the base-level requirement for a boyfriend!
he will respond with horror at his actions and enthusiasm for changing.
Anything other than that is ludicrous.
There are already too many ways the world can hurt you.
You dont need to add this to the list.
Here is my sincerest directive: Pick people who find it easy to treat you well.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
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