It’s A Pleasure
ENM relationships are a little like playing a video game on hard mode.
Q:My wife and I practice someethical non-monogamyhere and there.
But do I sound like I’m making a reasonable request here?
Or is this whole thing too far outside the norm to even give a clear answer?
Im just contending that consensually non-exclusive relationships are a little like playing a video game on hard mode.
Everyone in every relationshipought totry tocommunicate openly and honestlywith their partner at every opportunity.
The rub is, as humans, we frequently suck at it.
Or, maybe not an outright failure as much as an avoidance of communication.
So good on you guys for going there!
That said, when you opened up the relationship, what were theboundaries?
What were the deal-breakers?
This right here isexactlythe kind of excruciating honesty open relationships are all about!
You get to practice!
Howdoyou know about these photos?
Are these Snapchats that disappear?
When you say you like seeing sexy photos of her, does that mean you have seen them before?
What the heck is going on here, basically.
As you mentioned, its totally fair to not send anyone even your spouse photos of yourself.
Then explain how you know about the photos and how you feel about them.
The more honest you are about howyou feelwithout being blame-y or shame-y, the better.
Maybe its a blanket no on sharing nudes with external partners.
I dont know, and right now, you dont either.
This talk might not go the way you want it to go.
It might end up uncovering more hurtful information or elicit a painful response.
You cannot, of course, make anyone do anything.
In an ideal world, shes completely unaware that shes been hurting you and is gung-ho about addressing it.
I will tell you that your pain is reasonable, and very addressable.
However, to get there, you have some difficult conversations ahead of you.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
If you have a sex, dating, or relationship question, email Sophia at BustleSexAdvice@gmail.com.
