Pinky Up
Everybody can have social grace, says Meier.
After all, if a onetime wild child from Florida can do it, why not you?
To hear Myka Meier tell it, shes reliably the least popular person at a dinner party.
If you ask anyone else, shes the gravitational center.
Magnetic, says Ariana Swerdlin, a friend and former collaborator of Meiers.
Shes engaging, shes approachable.
She makes you feel safe and comfortable.
She is charismatic, he says.
She walks in a room, and somehow she finds ways to make everyone feel a little bit better.
The secret to her winning affect, and the reason for her professed unpopularity?
Myka Meier is an etiquette expert.
(Recent videos include how-tos onproper burger eatingandcocktail glass holding.)
If this sounds very upper crust, Meier insists theres nothing elite about her profession.
Clearly, people are casting about for someone, anyone, to offer clarity.
We didnt have much, but we had manners, she says.
[He] was like, You need an etiquette class.
She agreed, and after one class, she was hooked.
Whenever we would get our paychecks, everybody would run to H&M, she says.
I would save up for my next etiquette class.
She started spreading the gospel early on: that etiquette isnt what you think it is.
Her brother remembers first hearing it during one of their regular phone calls.
And of the enmeshment of etiquette with royal traditions?
Well, the Windsors, she gushes, are the model of kindness.
Theyre really sweet people, she says.
For example, Camilla is the funniest person in the room.
Shes really a little bit silly even.
And if youve made a quote-unquote mistake, she will never let you know.
Everybody can have social grace.
Its a brilliant trick, really.
By coating European table manners in a sheen of American self-reliance, shes managed to slip them through customs.
But not everyone is as effusive about the royals, or etiquette.
In etiquette circles, shes equally controversial.
At Beaumont in 2023, rules are genderless, pronouns are obliged, and compassion is a guiding light.
If the rules arent kept in tune with social shifts, Meier says, theyll die.
Criticisms aside, her success shows that the broader American public is interested in her approach.
And her goal is to reach as broad an audience as possible.
They were trying to enhance their professional skills, Swerdlin explains.
But she doesnt profess to be perfect, even if she can come off that way.
When I volunteer, I promise I dont have a gold headband on.
I want to be relatable, she says.
Im like, What do you all care about?
Heres some of the things I teach.
What do you think is going to be most helpful for you?
If theyre picking up ribs with their hands, itd be rude not to do the same.
Shes not naive, and knows that not everyone is interested in learning.
Judgment is the opposite of etiquette, she says.
The amount of people who dont know my heritage, and I hear racist jokes, she says.
And Im not silent about that in any way, never have been.
Expressing support for racial equity shouldnt be controversial, Meier says nor should championing LGBTQ+ rights or gender equality.
Im not getting political here, people; Im talking about basic human rights, she says.
A lot of HR teams say Our teams are afraid to compliment each other.
And she reminds everyone that etiquette is genderless, in her words.
(Her claims were rejected by a London court.)
Sometimes, Meier says, People are just out to get other people.
Say what you will about her, but shes not out to get anyone.
Of course, it helps to know how to put your best foot forward.
Just ask Swerdlin, who consulted Meier on how to impress her then-boyfriends parents, whom she was meeting.
They dried out, but they were still in the same vase.
She thought it was the epitome of class.
At the end of our meal, I, too, glimpse the epitome of class.
He smiles at my shock and consoles me: You didnt have a chance.
This article was originally published onOct.