It’s A Pleasure
I want to stop relying on sex as a shortcut to intimacy.
Beyond that, let me say thatsexdoesbuild intimacyfor many, many people.
Its not a wrong way to connect with someone.
Youve decided that someone must be as close as a best friendandas passionate as a two-week fling.
But familiarity and safety frequently clash with the novelty and anxiety required for high-octanesexual desire.
The second paragraph where you described your current partner frankly sounded amazing… until you told me your concerns.
What can you not open up about?
Do you know why youre hesitant?
What are you worried will happen if you tell him these things?
How do you judge yourself or others for opening up to a man?
What has happened in the past when youve tried?
Genuinely think about these things.
It might feel uncomfortable or scary, but the only way out is through.
Not sure how todive into the conversation?Start by saying youve been nervous about opening up.
Have you been told men only want sex from women because thats when were most valuable to them?
I also wonder if youre playing a part or doing a performance of a sexually desirable woman.
Are you actually satisfied in bed?
Or are you simply employing sex as a shortcut to intimacy?
When youre alone, what excites you?
Exploring this might help you learn more about who and what youre looking for sexually.
Its not some damning red flag.
Different people play different roles.
Listen to yourself, decide what parts arent working, and go bravely toward something else.
Whatever you find might not be the magic answer, but itll be a start.
Twenty-three isfartoo young to let go of joy.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
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This article was originally published onSep.
