Books
When journalist Maria Yagoda was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma, it fundamentally changed her relationship to sex.
Maria Yagoda has spent the majority of her professional life thinking about sex.
But right now, sex couldnt feel further away from her lived experience.
Yagoda was recently diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma and is undergoing chemo in tandem with releasing her book.
Its stripped her of any sex drive.
Im in survival mode, and its really hard to experience pleasure when youre in that mode.
I will always be unbelievably intellectually fascinated by sex and want to talk about it.
Below, Yagoda reflects onFleabag, the necessity of sex-positive content, and Raya.
It gives people permission to be like, Oh, wow.
I need to read that.
And thats totally OK. Im not saying people cant laugh at embarrassing sex.
You talk a lot in the book about the necessity of communication.
The first thing I always say is to cut yourself some slack.
Speaking up is hard because there are so many reasons why it can feel unsafe to speak up.
Even in situations where youre consenting, youre into it, it can feel unsafe.
Studies show that even talking to your friends more about sex translates into being more comfortable communicating during sex.
Its all about building a comfort level with verbalizing how you feel about it.
Nowhere is sexual communication being modeled to us.
Your Hodgkins lymphoma diagnosis has dramatically affected your day-to-day life.
Has the diagnosis altered your views on sex?
Its really hard to experience pleasure when youre in survival mode.
Im experiencing my brains misguided way to give a shot to keep me safe in this situation.
Finding someone to have sex with is exhausting enough when youre healthy.
If youre in survival mode, I imagine thats the first thing youre willing to sacrifice.
As a single person, it takes so much work to coordinate sex thats appealing to you.
You took the words out of my mouth.
Im getting chemo every other week for six months.
I can sit outside a little bit.
I would have to cram a date in that week and then disappear.
But maybe that would be good?
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
This article was originally published onJune 23, 2023
