Shalita Grant was born anew.
But Grant was not just a servant of God.
Get your sh*t together, the artistic director would say.
(Or, alternately, into the career of class of 1977s eliminated studentRobin Williams.)
Students under this pressure were thrown into the masked orgy, and the obvious consequence played out.
Aint sh*t scared about me.
You know Pat Benatar?Grant says, 11 years after graduating from Juilliard.
Good old Pat Benatar has this song, Hell Is for Children.
And its really true.
For me, it was really hell.
B*tch, do I?
Dont I look like it?
Im not new to this, Im true to this.
This is bottle No.
3, dont you see?)
This led to her bout of Christianity, which became its own kind of codependency.
In her fourth year at Juilliard, Grant says, she stopped hearing the voice of the Lord.
I was like, Did I bother him too much this summer?
I was so depressed.
Acting was somewhere between an escape from this sequence of pursuit and disillusionment and a way to channel it.
And, of course: Shes good at doing it, Sanders says.
Prodigious approval-seeking and questioning of that desire is a singular quality of Grants best performances.
OnSearch Party,she plays a first-time lawyer who becomes the criminal defense attorney in a high-profile murder case.
Shalita does have a lot of charisma, Gamblesays in the raised-eyebrow tone reserved for stating the very obvious.
This is somebody who should, like, be an actor.
It is a strange, ineffable thing, but we as humans recognize it.
The character of Sherry weaponizes that about herself.
And thats sex withmen,and its labor.
Its like, blowjobs.
Like, its a lot of jobs you gotta do!
And so what I aspired to do was just be good at these jobs.
But even if it is, thats normal, too.
I just was really a natural, she says of being with a woman.
And I was like, I didnt study for any of this.
None of this I knew, but Iknewit.
And it felt amazing.
), Grant was out and gay.
But even if we manage to actualize, its hard to leave our inherent selves behind.
(And, like, what actor would say no to web link TV paychecks?)
Though she tried her hardest to work for the benefit of the team, the team was not reciprocating.
Her relationship at the time the divorce was longer than marriage, Grant says now was similarly imbalanced.
It brings me pain, in the end.
Because youre never repaid in the way that you hope.
Can I get close to that person?
Why am I doing this?
So I am now the anti-party person.
The treatment was EMDR eye movement desensitization and reprocessing which tracks patients ocular motion when they recount traumatic events.
It was freeing for Grant.
The treatment also gave Grant a professional ethos that would allow her to avoid futureNCISsituations.
I dont do anything I wouldnt watch, Grant says.
It was in this emotional space that Grant met Aguilar.
(Grant promises the products are also great for other hair textures.)
Im intense, man!)
We some crazy b*tches together, Grant says dreamily of Aguilar.
Every day, its a new adventure.
Like, she sees it in me, I see it in her.
Were like, Yeah, f*ck yeah, lets renovate this house.
F*ck yes, Grant says of the soothing home design and real estate internet.
Its so in my f*cking vibe.
Theyre talking about themselves.
Even if they put your name on it, theyre talking about themselves.
Besides, Grant says, Ive already had that experience withNCIS.Theyre not loving a pot-smoking lesbian who pole dances.
Youll never hear from me again.
If this upsets you so much, I will take it out of your way.
I believe thats her future.
If this person that I am now is getting the most attention, thats great.
Because I was a sh*thead a lot.
Im glad that no ones catching me mid-sh*ttiness.
Grant switches into TED Talk mode: Guys, I was in the sh*tter.
Let me tell you how I got out.
Grants friend Sanders says, She has the family issues, she has the religious complexes.
Theres the LGBTQ stuff.
Theres a person back there, you know?
Im glad that the world is getting to witness that perspective at play in her current self.
Grant is doing the kind of work she, a pot-smoking lesbian who pole dances, would watch.
It makes sense then that people who watch her work would love a pot-smoking lesbian who pole dances.
But the story of someone who goes through hardship and ends up happy is a totally different thing.
The great triumph is happiness.
You may have noticed a tattoo on Sherrys sternum these days onYou.
The bee, flanked by two swords, is Grants real ink.
Its something I learned from a ceremony I did in New Orleans, Grant says.
The message from my ancestors was You are a honey-dipped machete.
Fight sweet and dont allow the battles to harden you.
