Relationships
Certified sexologist and host ofHung Upwith Headspace Shan Boodram is here to help.
It can be difficult when you arent over your ex as quickly as you wanted to be.
What would a healthy timeline be when it comes to healing from a breakup?
It’s important to liken breakups to the grief process.
If you don’t engage in healing this way, then it can take longer.
OnHung Up,you often refer to the five stages of healing post-breakup.
What would you say is the most difficult phase to go through?
I refer to it as untangling the tungsten chain because tungsten is a metal that you might’t burn.
It requires so much time and attentiveness that oftentimes, we need help from someone else.
I think in 100% of relationships you’re going to experience that.
You have to acknowledge that love, in many ways, acts as an addiction in the brain.
Youre going to miss that person for those reasons.
How can you be sure that you miss your ex and not just being in a relationship?
I think it’s completely fair to say some people are just naturally relationship people.
In what situations is it a good idea to reach back out to an ex?
Do they have information that I don’t and is not possible for me to have?"
Some people didn’t have one and were just mad.
But other people said, “I genuinely want to know why you didnt pick me?”
or, “I’m genuinely curious, why did you shut off all of the sudden?”
Those are questions that you cant answer on your own or through a friend or family member.
So in that case, it might be worth it, just to get that last a-ha.
Are there a lot of cases where closure is necessary?
It’s difficult to achieve but I think we all have that goal.
Those are examples where you were able to achieve closure.
But I definitely think that closure is possible.
It’s a place in your mind that only you decide.
It’s also not a final destination you might experience closure and then something happens.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
This article was originally published onJuly 14, 2022
