Friendship Files
Focusing on that label increases feelings of unworthiness and isolation.
Theres an episode ofSex and the Citywhere the girls go to an engagement party.
Later, Carrie confronts Miranda about the conversation.
Miranda confesses that its easier to make her love life a joke than to deal with their pity.
Its an act of self-preservation.
Being single is not a disease.
I hate the term chronically single.
It reinforces a lot of negative things I dont think we deserve.
I hadnt thought of the term in this way.
Being single felt core to my identity; it set me apart from the majority of my friends.
But real life continued to be challenging to navigate.
Chances were, the next time we spoke, Mr.
Someone New would already be gone.
I could even feel my friends hesitation when venturing a question about how dating was going.
Are you seeing anyone?
Or that my mortgage paperwork says UNMARRIED WOMAN, which makes me feel immense pride and deep sadness?
Or how wonderful it is that I can say yes to plans without checking in with anyone?
Because theyre all true, by the way.
This was a question I askedLisa Knisely, Ph.D., a licensed therapist who specializes in friendship therapy.
I went to weddings without a plus-one, shouldering all the expenses myself.
I didnt have anyones hand to gently squeeze during the vows.
Youre still the single friend.
But heres the thing: it doesnt matter.
Your friends are your friends, partnered or not.
Continually placing yourself in the single box drives an unnecessary wedge between you and your friends.
Later in that aforementioned episode ofSex and the City, Miranda runs into a recently married friend.
Without prompting, the friend starts rattling off a list of reasons why they dont have kids yet.
Its the same pithy one-liners, adjusted for the next stage of life.
Miranda laughs along, understanding that speculation about your choices never fully goes away they just shift focus.
This article was originally published onMay 12, 2023
