I have the urge to email each and every carper, explaining that they have missed the point entirely.
The point is honesty.
And inForeverland,Havrilesky does exactly that.
How did the response to theNew York Timesexcerpt feel?
Did you expect it?
It’s interesting because Bills sneezes are not offending me at the moment.
It’s pretty frightening to write something this honest.
Ive been in a state of fear over it for a while.
Last year was really hard.
I had cancer in 2020.
And I kind of glided through it somehow.
You write about your own flaws and missteps a lot in this book.
Did you ever worry that you were getting them wrong?
It’s hard to get it exactly right.
I feel really calm and good about this story.
I would much rather be understood for who I am than adored for who I’m not.
My aim was not to make people like me.
I’m bored by perfectly pretty and admirable things at this stage.
How did this book change your marriage or your opinion of marriage?
And so that became another piece of the book.
I had to ask: Am I being completely honest?
Does this marriage really work?
I didn’t want any piece of the book to feel like, My marriage is great!!!
It’s really great!!!
like this defensive or overly-romanticized story.
I really wanted to write about cold feet.
So, whats your favorite part about marriage?
No one has asked me that, really.
If there’s a central challenge to your 20s and 30s, I think that’s it.
It’s very, very hard.
I hate it when people say, Well, Ive fallen out of love.
It’s time for us to break up.
That just means the relationship is beginning!
You don’t know what you have yet!
Its understandable to be swept away by your passion for someone.
Everyone loves that feeling.
But part of the feeling is insecurity.
The feeling is, Will I really get to keep this?
The feeling is, Does this person really love me as much as I love them?
And that’s just a suspenseful dramatic thing that turns all of us on.
And that’s part of the package.
It’s not like you break up with someone for being annoying.
I wish I could just have variety in the annoying!
It’s not so much that someone is better.
It’s just novelty.
You’ve been married for a while and you’re like, This is the life I get.
That seems unfair; I want to do a lot of different things.
The interview has been edited and condensed.
This article was originally published onFeb.
