Over the years, weve seen each other through various personal and professional milestones.
At various points in childhood, we all gotrelaxers.
Leah:Growing up, my mother did my hair.
This is so much work."
Ashley:I also got my hair washed in the sink.
Joi:I loved getting my hair done when I was little.
It was a bonding moment with my mom.
I definitely got my hair pressed with the hot comb over the stove.
Definitely held my ear; definitely got burned anyway.
I spent early elementary school in northern Virginia and went to private school.
From kindergarten through second grade, I was one of two Black girls in my class.
I remember wanting my hair to be long and straight.
I went every two weeks for her to either press my hair or give me a perm.
I just suffered until she came to wash it out.
Leah:My mom lost it when she came to pick me up.
I remember her being really upset with the teachers like, “How could you let this happen?”
My mom had to wash my hair on a school night, which was definitely not the norm.
Joi:Oh, I know she was hot.
I was obsessed because they made my hair long.
I was like, “Absolutely not.”
And my mom was like, “Leah, what are you talking about?
You have beautiful hair.”
But I didnt think so.
Joi:And were you still one of the only students of color?
Joi:Wow, that’s late.
Ashley:That is delayed!
Joi:I think I was five when I got my first perm.
Leah:You literally could not tell me anything when I got that relaxer.
Joi:I got my first relaxer at five a Just for Me.
Remember those commercials and the jingle?
Leah:Just for meeeee!
Joi:No lye, relaxer free!I was Just for Me girl.
I looked like a little old lady, but I thought I was so cute.
One summer I was staying with my aunt, and she took me to her hairstylist.
My mom took that seriously.
Aaliyah was popping at the time, so everyone wanted the wrap.
How did you learn how to wrap your hair, Leah?
LFC:Yeah, I think my sister did teach me.
And this brings up an insecurity that still persists to this day.
That’s pretty much what I was doing all through middle and high school.
My sister has a completely different hair texture than me.
Her curl pattern is much looser.
Mine is really kinky and it took a long time to embrace that.
I’m still working on it, if I’m being honest.
Ashley:Me, too.
Joi:I’ve absolutely not fully embraced it yet.
And I can relate, because my sister has a different texture, too.
Ashley:I agree.
Otherwise, you needed to perm it.
I feel like the Hawaiian Curl had us all in the chokehold in the 90s.
Almost every video girl you saw was light-skinned with curly hair.
Leah:And calling someone nappy-headed was an insult.
Our hair in its natural state was a punchline.
Joi:Yeah, and I heard most of those insults from Black people.
Leah:Theres a long history of self-hate as it pertains to hair.
Joi:In middle school, all I wore was aslicked-backponytail with the black gel.
Remember the black gel?
Joi:At that time, I lovedMartin,the TV show.
But every episode he was making fun of Pam’s hair.
That was a running theme in the show.
It was always, “Look at Beadie Beads!”
Weaves were always criticized on that show, too, so I didn’t want a weave.
That completely changed once I got to college, though.
I was like, “Oh yes, a sew-in?
But also, to your point, they were so stigmatized when we were growing up.
At least in the communities that I was in.
They were seen as ghetto, which is so sad.
Thats so weird.”
Like a lot of young people, I just wanted to blend in.
Navigating hair care as young adults was a circuitous challenge.
I was like, “I’m never perming my hair again.”
I couldn’t bring myself to big chop, though, so I was just growing it out.
Of course, it was breaking off where the two different textures met.
Eventually, I cut it bob-length.
Joi:Where were you getting your hair care information from?
I remember my mom saying, “You have to take care of your hair.”
But I don’t remember anyone teaching me how.
Leah:I dont either.
Ashley:I didnt know how to do my own hair until I was 25.
I was so used to somebody else doing it every two weeks.
It took forever, but I ended up finding somebody to box braid it.
Joi:You found someone to box braid your hair In Australia?
Id charged them $10.
I was that girl at college.
Leah:No one would ever ask me to do their hair.
Do you remember what my hair looked like when we all met?
Joi, you were a sew-in queen back then.
Joi:I was a sew-in queen!
I took no breaks.
At that time, professional hair meant tamed, slick, relaxed so I got sew-ins all the time.
Ashley:My hair was relaxed when we all met, but I had actually gone natural beforehand.
I let my hair grow out with the box braids, and then I cut most of it off.
When I came home, both of my roommates laughed in my face.
Leah:No, they did not!
It really hurt my feelings.
Eventually, that section of my hair became completely straight.
Ashley:Yes, I got a U-part wig.
I had been opposed to wigs because, like you said, they felt very stigmatized.
It thought if you have a wig, you don’t love yourself.
Leah:I always felt like having any kind of weave would make me less conventionally attractive.
Ive also felt like that about my short, natural hair.
I guess thats because people have explicitly told me that or insinuated it, which is ridiculous.
Ashley:When did you big chop, Leah?
Leah:In 2014.
Let me help."
She booked an appointment for me atHair Rules.
Joi:I wore sew-ins for 10 years, until lockdown made me take a break.
One day I decided to just cut off all my hair and start over.
Today, we all wear our natural hair and largely avoid straightening it.
Regardless, weve all come to realize that the only opinions that matter are our own.
And I was received that way.
Walking down the street, my inches bowing in the wind, I could see heads turning.
Its hard to explain, but it seemed like people were assuming the worst of me.
Leah:The reactions are crazy.
You look so badass!"
What does that even mean?
Half of the office walked in wearing sunglasses, and no one else got that reaction.
A lot of: I love that natural, sis…
I see you, natural beauty… okay, Black queen!
But there are a lot of assumptions too.
Whenever Ashley and I are out together and we both have afros, people assume were a couple.
Ashley:Youre right they do!
Ashley:I mostly do twist-outs and wear an afro.
Before lockdown, I was doing twist-outs more frequently.
So now I’ve been wearing my afro as much as possible because it’s my favorite.
Leah:I love your hair.
And Joi, your big chop was so fly.
Joi:I maintained that short cut for a while, and I liked it.
It was completely different from anything Id ever done.
I think every woman should cut their hair off at least once in their life.
It was a very freeing experience; I learned how to access different parts of myself.
Now Im growing it out.
I was doing coil sets and now Ive graduated to twist-outs.
It’s been three years since Ive had a professional press, and I plan to get one soon.
Maybe Ill do it for my birthday.
This article was originally published onMarch 30, 2023
