Friendship Reboot
Not everyone needs to be your bestie.
Im unbelievably close with my best friends.
We plan vacations and outfits together.
I know their coffee orders; I can recite their childhood home phone numbers.
We tell each other roughly 82% of the thoughts that pop into our heads.
In the famous words of Mindy Lahiri,Best friend isnt a person, Danny.
Its a tier.But what about the tier under the apex of the pyramid?
Enter: the B-list friend.
This is the person you gravitate toward at your mutual friends birthday dinner every year.
You like their Instagrams but wouldnt go to them for emotional support.
If you still had a MySpace Top 8, these folks wouldnt make the cut.
And thats a real loss.
Studies have shown that casual interactions with these people really domake you happierandhelp you live longer.
Its fascinating to see who comes and who doesnt.
Sometimes we make a gesture toward taking these friendships further We have to go to that bar!
/ We should get coffee!
/ Lets hang out!
This doesnt signal a lack of interest or care.
I’ve babysat last-minute when a friends pet had an emergency, and another sent me flowers after surgery.
Maybe, in another life, if we had infinite free time, wed be closer.
But our current situation is great, too.
Time really is the key to making friends and, to a large extent, what level theyre on.
One study showed thatit takes about 50 hoursto make a friend and 200 to make a close friend.
Often life gets in the way of growing and maintaining these tight bonds.
But even B-list friendships can suffer with a lack of time.
We spent 40 hours a week together!
But sadly we hadnt built up a social rapport outside of the office.
What was I going to do?
Stop by on a Wednesday at noon to complain about the faulty watercooler and difficult customers?
Sometimes, though, a casual friend ends up floating toward your inner circle.
For Joe, strengthening these connections has been the surprising flipside to the narrative of friends moving away.
While promotions to the A-list do happen, that doesnt have to be the goal.
A friend doesnt have to be your closest confidant to play an important and distinct role in our lives.
You dont have to know everything about a person to know you want them in your life.
This article was originally published onOct.
