Even on the gram.
In 2019, I did something Id never done before.
I took a selfie, red-faced and tear-stricken, and posted it on social media.
So I took my crying, filter-less face and I posted it on Instagram.
At 33 years old, crying isnt unusual for me.
But I havent always been this way.
Id thought it was going well, until he asked me a simple question I wasnt prepared for.
Suddenly, I felt his energy shift from intrigue to judgment.
When I finished telling this story, I locked eyes with my therapist, ready for her empathy.
But instead she asked:
Do you usually find a place to hide before expressing your feelings?
I felt shocked, and began cataloging all the places Id found to hide before allowing myself to cry.
Even my therapist had never seen me cry.
Until then, Id thought of myself as pretty open compared to most people born in my generation.
I did therapy, journaled, and meditated.
I began sharing my feelings with people I felt safest with.
While her support was a salve, continuing to open up to others was hard (understatement).
But ultimately I learned that when you open up to people, they open up in turn.
Thescience behind this is very real.
And eventually, as time passes, you begin to feel better.
People worried that I wasnt well, that this was a cry for help.
They wrote things like, Are you ok?
Your post is pretty dark.
“Maybe you oughta talk to someone.”
“Wildfires are pretty common in California.”
I wish I could tell you that I kept the photo up.
Within three hours, I took it down and retreated to my IRL friends that I felt safe with.
I grew angry that the very technology that was supposed to connect us was actually doing the exact opposite.
A space that would shift us from repetitive, surface interactions to developing real friendships.
Turning it into an app where unvarnished displays of emotions were the norm, not the exception.
From the moment we launched, crying on Quilt has been a celebrated part of our culture.
When it got to her own reading, she began crying and then apologizing.
Then another Quilter shared that shed first cried on the app when talking about losing her mother.
Then another Quilter jumped in with a story, then another.
It was in this moment where I realized crying on Quilt wasnt just normal, it wascool.
So we made some Crying is Cool hats and sweatshirts (and evolvetogethertissues!)
and gifted them to our community.
And before I knew it, I found myself posting my crying selfies again.
This article was originally published onMay 5, 2022
