Humor
How does a computer get tipsy?
Why do melons get married in a church?
If youre a fan of corny jokes, thats what you would call a certified knee-slapper.
In fact, when it comes to corny jokes, the cheesier, the better.
A towel, courtesy of the former, and, What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bulldozer, of the latter.
Are they good jokes?
Were they just as exciting to read as the treat was to eat?
Here are some of the best corny jokes that may actually make you laugh.
Corny Jokes That Are Actually Funny
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fungi.
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
Why dont ants get sick?
Where did George Washington keep his armies?
What do lawyers wear to court?Lawsuits.
What has four wheels and flies?A garbage truck.
Why shouldnt you tell secrets in a cornfield?Too many ears.
Why cant a nose be 12 inches long?Because then it would be a foot.
What washes up on tiny beaches?
Whats red and bad for your teeth?A brick.
What did one wall say to the other?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”
What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired?Oh, snap.
Why shouldnt you trust artists?
Because they can be sketchy.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
When is a door not a door?
Why shouldnt you marry a calendar?
Because its days are numbered.
How many landlords does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, also she wont fix the sink.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
Ill let you know what comes first.
A woman at the bank asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
A book fell on my head.
I only have my shelf to blame.
Why does the seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay then it would be called a bagel.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Where do polar bears keep their money?
Why do cows have hooves and not feet?
Whats a computers favorite snack during office hours?
Why was the printer always running late?
Because it had too many paper jams.
I said, “Sure, it’s half past 14.”
I got a job at a paperless office.
Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
What do you call a nosy pepper?
One who’s jalepeno business.
How do you make an eggroll?
Once I ate at a fancy Italian restaurant.
It cost a pretty penne.
Ive got a joke about a tortilla but I think it might be a little too corny.
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
He was a little shellfish!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Why did the bicycle fall over?Because it was two tired.
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?She kept running away from the ball.
What lights up a soccer stadium?A soccer match.
Why did the stoplight turn red?
Because it was embarrassed to be changing in the middle of the street.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?Supplies!
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What did the cake say to the fork?You want a piece of me?
How did the hipster burn his tongue?He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a hippies wife?Mississippi.
Why do pimples make the worst kinds of prisoners?Because they keep breaking out all the time.
How are relationships like algebra?Because you look at your X and wonder Y.
Why should you never laugh at your spouses choices?Youre one of them.
My spouse and I were happy for 24 years.
My husband cooks for me like Im a god: by placing burnt offerings before me every night.
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?He gave her a ring.
A man at the gym proposed to his weight partner.
It’s safe to say it didn’t work out.
Why does a marriage proposal always sound good?
Because it’s got a nice ring to it.
What do you call a criminals proposal?
Two radios got married.
The reception was amazing.
Why didn’t the melons get married?
What an emotional wedding.
Even the cake was in tiers.
Last week I went to the wedding of two nuclear power workers.
The groom was glowing, and the bride was positively radiant.
Why shouldnt you write with a broken pencil?
Did you hear about the math teacher that plowed a field?
He used a pro-tractor.
Why is arithmetic so heavy?
Because you have to carry numbers all day.
What school is the friendliest one?
What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?58!
What did JAY-Z call his wife before they got married?
Why did Snoop Dogg shake his soda before opening it?
Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella?
How do you organize a space party?
How does the moon cut his hair?Eclipse it.
Why dont astronomers like Orions Belt?Its a big waist of space.
Why couldn’t the astronaut book a hotel on the moon?
Because it was full.
What do sea monsters eat?Fish and ships.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?Ten-tickles.
Why do scuba divers fall backward out of the boat?
Because otherwise, theyd fall into the boat!
What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing, it just waved!
I lost an electron.
You really have to keep an ion them.
I was reading a book on helium.
I couldnt put it down.
Why did the germ cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?
He wanted to win the no-bell prize.
How did the barber win the race?He knew a shortcut.
Barber: Would you like a haircut?
Dad: No, Id like them all cut.
What do you call a line of men waiting to get a haircut?
Why was everyone keeping their food on my friends head?
He had a bowl cut.
What do clouds wear under their shorts?Thunder pants.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.
What did one hurricane say to the other hurricane?
Ive got my eye on you.
What happens when winter arrives?
What did 0 say to 8?
“Nice belt.”
Why is the number nine so sassy?Because she cant even.
What do you call numbers that are always on the move?Roamin numerals.
How do you make seven even?
Take away the S.
Good moms let you lick the beaters.
Great moms turn them off first.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
How do you make anti-freeze?
Take away her blanket.
Sweater: Something you wear when your mom gets cold.
What month of the year has 28 days?
Whats always in front of you but cant be seen?
What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
What gets wetter the more it dries?
Why is Peter Pan always flying?Because he Neverlands.
How did you get into my house, Beast?
What was Pinocchio doing on the beach?
Why does Goldilocks go around in circles?
She always goes just right.
What do you call it when two boats fall in love?
Why shouldnt you fall in love with a pastry chef?
What does a ghost call his true love?His ghoul-friend.
What did the patient with a broken leg say to his doctor?I have a crutch on you.
When’s the best time to visit the dentist?
What award did the dentist win?
My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, Do you smoke or drink coffee?
I told him I drink it.
What did the dentist say to the tooth when he had to leave the room?
Ill fill you in when I get back.
What happens when doctors get mad?
They lose their patients.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
I played hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
Ive got a disease where I cant stop telling airport jokes.
The doctor says its terminal.
What does a baby computer call his father?Data.
When do computers overheat?When they need to vent.
How does a computer get tipsy?It takes screenshots.
Why shouldnt you use beef stew as a computer password?Its not stroganoff.
What do you call an automobile filled with water?
Half of all Chevy trucks ever made are still on the road today.
The other half made it home.
I had a dream last night that I was a muffler.
I woke up exhausted.
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
The iPad and the internet split up.
There were way too many problems issues with their connection.
Why did the YouTube video get in trouble?
How does a laptop take a selfie?
It presses Ctrl + Alt + Delete and winks.
Why was the Instagram story embarrassed?
It unintentionally shared too much.
Why did the iPhone wear glasses?
It lost all its contacts.
Why was the coffee bean upset?
He got roasted at the shop this morning.
Why did the coffee break up with the tea?
It wasnt a great blend.
What did the coffee lover say to their crush?
“You mocha me so happy.”
What did the coffee lover say to their spouse?
I love you a latte.
How do you know when your coffee is in a bad mood?
What did one fedora say to its friend?
“You stay put, I’ll go on ahead.”
Why did the belt get arrested?
It held up a pair of jeans.
Why was the sock so upset?
It had too many holes in its life.
How do you get a shoe to come out of its shell?
You have to find its sole.
How does a tie greet you?
Why did the beauty queen refuse to play hide and seek?
Because good looks always find a way to stand out.
What do you call a really good looking pumpkin?
How does a vampire double-check their makeup stays perfect?
They always count on a little bat-tery power.
Why did the makeup products go to therapy?
They needed some foundation repair.
Why did the eyeshadow never get into arguments?
It always saw the other side.
Why did the mascara go to school?
To brush up on its skills.
What did the single grape say?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the single woman throw out her calendar?
She couldnt find a single date.
Why did the single guy bring a ladder to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house.
Why did the woman want to date a cashier?
Theyre always checking her out.
Why did the single tomato refuse to go on a date?
It couldn’t ketchup with its schedule.
What do you call an angry carrot?
What would bears be without bees?
What do you call a pile of cats?
What did the triangle say to the circle?
RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
Whats the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
What do sprinters eat before they race?
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
Why were the fishs grades bad?
They were below sea level.
What did one toilet say to another?
What do elves learn in school?
Why did the strawberry cry?
He found himself in a jam.
What did one plate say to the other?
Dinner is on me.
Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they dont know the words.
Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
He takes things personally.
When does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
Why was the bee’s hair always sticky?
He used a honeycomb.
What do you call an alligator detective?
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasnt peeling well.
Where do roses sleep at night?
Why was the politician out of breath?
He was running for office.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Why arent koalas actual bears?
They dont meet koalafications.
Why cant you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.
How did the duck buy lipstick?
She just put it on her bill.
What kind of tree can fit inside your hand?
Why does a tiger have stripes?
So he wont be spotted.
