Books
Willis Aronowitzs new book,Bad Sex, reckons with the gap between our ideologies and our desires.
Usually, though, thats as close as we can get.
She also investigates her first stab at matrimony, which ended in no small part due to bad sex.
If ideology cant to save us from bad sex, chasing our desires, it seems, really can.
Below, Willis Aronowitz discusses what her own experience with bad sex taught her about relationships and sexuality.
Why do you think we’re having bad sex?
I don’t think we’re having worse sex than any other period in history.
Misogyny is still rampant.
So I think the letdown is more intense.
Why do you think were afraid to talk about the fact that were having bad sex?
What was it like to write about your parents and sex?
It was really a gift not only to this book, but to getting to know them.
This is not exactly about sex, per se, but it’s about sexual politics.
I just really, really wish I could ask my mother how she dealt with that.
I thought it was gonna be super unsentimental about breastfeeding.
I thought, I’ll just give her formula so that it’s as equal as humanly possible.
It’s impossible to align them completely.
Jealousy is a perfect example!
It rocks your whole body, it makes you hyperventilate, you feel it very physically.
Its impossible to be like these are my politics and Im never gonna feel a certain way.
You never know how you’re going to feel when it comes to sex and love.
So how do we have good sex?
You have to have a bit of self-forgiveness and remind yourself that you came of age decades ago.
And then think very actively about your desires.
Youre explicit about the fact that bad sex played a part in ending your previous marriage.
Is there room for bad sex in a relationship from time to time?
What do you think people should do when they have bad sex in their primary relationships?
That’s really simplistic; I don’t agree with that.
There can be really fulfilling relationships that where sex is on the back-burner or even completely absent.
In my case, I was very badly wanting good sex in my primary relationship.
And it wasn’t there, and that wasnt changing.
I can say that sex is not constantly themostimportant thing in a relationship.
But at that time, I’d been craving sexual connection with my primary partner and not getting it.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
This article was originally published onAug.
