By now, weve all lived under the wellness industrial complex long enough to have a go-to self-care routine.
Or, as a new podcast suggests, maybe you text your lover to arrange a meetup.
InShe Wants More,journalist, author, and podcast hostJo Piazzaexplores the hush-hush subject of female infidelity.
Going into this, I was a little bit judgmental, she tells Bustle.
We dont often hear about women stepping outside their relationships for sex and love.
Off the top of my head, I can think of just three examples Lady Chatterleys Lover,Mrs.
Robinson inThe Graduate,Kristen Stewartin 2012 and two of those are fictional.
(In 2018, one study found thatmillennial women cheat slightly more than men do.)
She Wants Moreexplores why women pursue affairs and how their lives change as a result.
Some of the women gave Piazza classic reasons: They werent happy or sexually satisfied by their spouses.
The iHeartMedia series premieres on Feb. 14 and the eight episodes will drop weekly on Tuesdays.
Here, Piazza reveals why so many women believe infidelity boosted their confidence and even improved their relationships.
Why is having an affair a feminist act?
Its a way for women to take back the patriarchal restrictions that have been put on us.
A good wife is a faithful wife.
That dates back to the creation of religious ideals in the Bible.
For men, I dont think that stigma exists.
Its like, Oh, hes having a midlife crisis.
Hes just having sex with a younger woman now.
And yet any time we see a woman doing that, its a gddmn scandal.
The world f*cking ends.
Is it pushing it too far to say that having an affair can be self-care?
No, not at all.
We literally have a whole episode on whether or not having an affair is the new Goop.
We talk to women who say it is.
This is what they do for themselves.
They dont get a massage; they dont do yoga they have an affair.
But also, these women tell us they take better care of themselvesbecausetheyre having an affair.
Theyre taking care of their bodies in ways they wouldnt have otherwise.
You found some other reasons that women are having affairs right now.
Women are craving autonomy over their own bodies.
Were seeing it be restricted by our government.
It was always someone elses their husbands, their childrens.
They were growing a child; they were feeding a child; they were caring for a child.
Theres so much physicality involved in that.
They wanted their body to be just their own.
The pandemic definitely escalated that because people were in such close quarters with their spouses, with their families.
Women wanted something just for themselves again.
Tell me more about that.
Its a myth that men want sex more than women.
I dont think thats true.
But I do think that women crave emotional connections and psychological space more than men do.
And when women are doing so much emotional labor in a marriage, its a burden.
It makes you feel like you dont want to be close physically with your husband anymore.
And you want to seek that connection with someone else.
I thought it was fascinating that Nikki said her affairs made her more confident at work.
The sexier she felt, the less she cared about what her colleagues thought of her.
Is that something you heard from other women?
Most women told me that they think the affair has improved their marriage.
Its made them happier.
Nikki sounded like she was glowing.
All of them are glowing.
I mean, thats not to say this is without consequence.
Generally, in any relationship, dishonesty is probably not a good thing.
But all of these women told me that having an affair improved their lives in so many ways.
Shes doing great at her job.
Her marriage seems so much better.
Youve probably heard people say If youre going to cheat, just get divorced,right?
But a lot of people dont want to leave their husbands.
A lot of people like their husbands quite a bit.
In reality, a lot of marriages are business partnerships.
Youre running a life together; youre running a house together; youre raising children together.
If all those things work, and only the sex doesnt, why would you blow it all up?
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
