Reality TV
Its time to pit the men against each other.
From the moment Zach Shallcross was cast as the Bachelor for Season 27, there wasan outcry.
I know what people are saying, Zach gamely confessed in his first episode.
Or at least, unobjectionable?
Like a saltine cracker, but with abs.
You might not love how he tastes, but youre at least unlikely to spit him up.
But if thats all the drama thats in store for us these days, its looking a little bleak.
To make things interesting, Ill assess each season on a holistic level: How entertaining were the women?
What were the central conflicts?
Was there a twist ending?
Below, the Bachelors of the last 10 years, ranked from least to most boring.
Nick Viall (Season 21)
As boring as:Having asecret cringe DJ persona.
And she made it tothe final four!
Juan Pablo Galavis (Season 18)
As boring as:Making yourchest hairone of your defining characteristics.
(None of us can.)
The audience soon realized that beneath the chiseled physique and the sexy accent was… an asshole?
(He has a daughter, he reminds her, but apparently not a conscience.)
Plus, it culminated in one of themost contentious After the Final Rose specials in franchise history.
Peter Weber (Season 24)
As boring as:Captioning a photoBoring Bachelor Energy to appear self-aware.
)times in a windmill with Bachelorette Hannah Brown.
On paper, Matt James is an interesting guy.
Not boring stuff by any means, but not exactlyfundrama, either.
Colton Underwood (Season 23)
As boring as:Two conventionally attractive people with average conversation skillsdeclaringthemselves goofy.
Colton likely didnt jump anyones bones during Fantasy Suites, but he did famouslyjump a fence.
Nice try, bud.
If only leaving Bachelor Nation were that easy.
Dont worry, though.
He picked only one girl, and he was pretty genuine about it.
Basically, youd root for him, if you hadnt fallen asleep.
Unfortunately, advertising means nothing if the product has expired.
And it turns out, thats all Arie wanted to do!
The pursuit of happiness is for the young!
Sean Lowe (Season 17)
As boring as:Declaring that your parents are relationship goals.
At leastit worked for him?
But this farmer from Iowa was not one of them.
You know those apps that mash a bunch of photos of faces together to create one face?
The Most Average Face of Them All?
Thats Clayton, and I dont mean just his outward appearance.
Hes a former college football player like Sean, Zach, and Colton.
Hes from a nondescript Midwestern town like Ben, Nick, and Chris.
He even basically shares a name with Colton!
Zach, Ive got my telescope on you!
