It’s A Pleasure
Crushes are made of small moments that we read way too much into.
I cant really pinpoint why, but I felt a really strong connection with him instantly.
As the months progressed, there were so manysigns that made me feel like we belonged together.
(For example, the first day I started working there was his birthday.)
I really made an effort to get to know him better.
I felt like he was someone I could potentially be with.
I was ready for the next step, to ask for his number.
But out of the blue, one of my other female co-workers told me some unsettling things about him.
She said that he had been constantly harassing her and asking her out.
He was even trying to make her jealous by pretending to get hickeys and asking other women out.
Obviously, I was heartbroken.
My question: Why do I still feelattracted to him?
Why do I still think I can salvage something between us?
And how do I move past this?
It happens to most of us at least once or twice in our sweet, lovely, horny lives.
Crushes are built of the most abstract, inexplicable, confounding stuffing.
Crushes are made of small moments that we read way too much into.
You like how they treat people, and how you are when youre around them.
But those things ought to be small-ish things.
(All of those are either addressable or ignorable.)
Someone HARASSING people is absolutely not addressable or ignorable within the bounds of a romantic relationship.
Thats a deal-breaker 100% of the time in 100% of cases.
It has to be.
It does not work.
Kindness and respect for others is a fundamental trait.
Thats the absolute basement.
The bare dang minimum is that a person is not harassing other people.
Well, because youre human!
The reality is, you didnt knowhim, there is no man you knew.
There is a person who you were around who lied to you and treated other people badly.
Your brain has to figure out and it will!
that the fantasy crush that it has on him is just that: a fantasy.
Its not like you actually lost out on someone who would be good for you.
Youre mourning the exciting future you imagined, whichisvery sad, but more excitement will come.
You will find someone else who isnt cruel to people.
Focus on building up your life in other areas.
Try something new once a week.
Treat yourself to something indulgent or fun.
Give yourself a break!
Theres no prize at the end of life for having moved on from your crush As Fast As Possible.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
This article was originally published onMarch 17, 2022
