Sex
One in four young women say they were choked the last time they had sex.
The moment Lynn* realized she couldnt breathe, she wasnt scared.
This wasnt her first time beingnonconsensually choked during sex,so she didnt bother confronting the guy.
I was annoyed and outraged that men keep doing this, the editor, 30, says.
Its literally an assault.
Like, what the f*ck?
Many also enjoy the psychological elements: the thrill of danger, the exploration of dominance and submission.
But the downsides can be monumental.
A bad choking experience can be traumatic, even triggering, especially for survivors of assault or abuse.
It can cause permanent damage to theheart,brain, andlarynx.
In the most serious cases,people can die.
Giventhe rising popularityof erotic asphyxiation, this puts a lot of women in risky or uncomfortable situations.
Of course, many womenenjoybeing choked in bed (raises hand).
It never wouldve occurred to me to ask for it, Maisie*, a 29-year-old journalist, says.
It opened my eyes to a kinkier side of sex I didnt even know I would be interested in.
I also thought it was kind of hot that he took control.
Its a huge gamble, and yet it seems many men are all too willing to play the odds.
Who Told Men This Was A Good Idea?
You cant talk aboutmens sexual behaviorin the year of our lord 2023 without talking about porn.
The take-home message: Women want rough sex, even if they dont ask for it.
There are certain women who [think] its very hot to say, Is this OK?
[before initiating a new sex act], Frank*, a 34-year-old tech founder, says.
But then Ive also had women say, Why the f*ck are you asking me?
Over time, hes learned to test the waters instead of diving right in.
If theyre into it, he might place a hand on their neck.
If theyre intothat, he might apply some pressure.
If his partner tenses up, or if he feels the vibes are off, he stops.
If [your partner is] not into something, its instantly not hot, he says.
Like, how can I be turned on if youre not turned on?
But Frank recognizes he cant read every situation with 100% accuracy.
Is it possible Ive choked people who werent into it?
Absolutely, he says.
Im not like acting like … this [is a] perfect system.
(Reminder: Fake orgasms are a thing.)
Good Intentions, Bad Results?
His pressure went from light to anxiety-inducing to straight-up terrifying.
I was starting to see stars …
I stayed and continued to have sex with him until he was finished, she says.
It seemed safer than trying to leave.
Her bruises took three weeks to fade, and therapy is helping with the psychological scars.
But not everyone seeks these out.
Id never want to hurt her or freak her out, he says.
Im very firm, but Im very gentle at the same time.
I know my limitations.
Do Men Just Secretly Wish Youd Choke Them?
He called me a beautiful, wild woman after that.)
What could be more powerful than that?
*Names have been changed.
This article was originally published onAug.
