It’s A Pleasure
I dont think its just me my friends have this problem, too.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
If you have a sex, dating, or relationship question,fill out this form.
I enjoy our conversations.
Hell ask me one follow-up question and then move on.
The thing is, I have metsomany guys like this, and so have my friends.
I like listening, but this pattern gets boring.
Whats going on here?
What should I be doing?
A:Not asking questions is, to me, a deal-breaker.
That isnt even a low bar or the lowest bar.
Its not even the floor.
Its the very foundation of the building.
They want an attractive captive.
They want someone to brainlessly and breathlessly fawn over them.
And then see what he says in response.
Notice I did not put a question mark at the end of that.
He can claw his way out of that if he wants to!
He can make some effort!
Research shows thatthis lack-of-men-asking-questions problemisrealand itscommon, and frankly, its embarrassing for them!
Part of the issue is how all of us are socialized to speak to one another.
(All of these are generalizations, of course, but how were socialized is real.)
I think theres a subtle expectation that women and femmes are responsible for making conversations with men flow.
The question (ha!)
is: What canyoudo about that?
This is not on you and your five best female friends to fix.
But you’re free to decide how you handle this situation in the future.
All of the approaches youve employed sound great.
You should not have to trick a person into caring about your day or your life or your hobbies.
The very job this person is auditioning foriscaring about you!
Honestly, the So, is there anything you want to know about me?
is probably the best bet; its an elegant solution to someone elses lack of decency.
If youre like Sophia!
yes, it is.
But also, anyone at any time is welcome to Google How can I be a better listener?
or How do I become more likable?
(I know these are questions.
Its good practice.)
And they will be told precisely what to do.
You know how I know this?
At the end of the day, though, you do not want a partner who is good enough.
You want a partner youre excited to talk to.
Who is genuinely curious about your life.
Everything else waxes and wanes, but being a good, kind, conscientious person is lifelong.
Its worth being ruthless about.
Its worth waiting for.
