While putting togetherBustles weeklong inquiry into the pleasure and pain of crushes, we noticed a few things.
First,some of you are low-key freaks.
Second, talking about crushes canbring people togetherin unexpected ways.
And third,howwere crushing is often as central to the experience aswhomwere crushing on.
Crush is a state of mind.
The energy of a new crush can simmer or burn hot.
It can be totally paralyzing or life-alteringly productive.
Crushing may be universal, but the feelings involved are slippery little suckers.
What does a crush feel like to you?
I sing about this exact feeling in my new songEarthquake.
You take in more light when that persons around because you want to perceive more of them.
Youre more aware of whats happening because you want to be more aware of yourself around this person.
You just want to tickle its tummy and feed it a daisy.
But also, youre floating: They are the funniest person Ive ever met!
How can I talk to them again?
!Scheming is such an important part of a crush.
How does a crush affect your everyday life?
Whats the best part?
It doesnt even have to be a romantic crush or about physical attraction.
It can also be a creative crush or a style crush.
But I love to collect crushes.
I find crushes super inspirational, especially as a romance writer.
There is no better feeling than when you have a crush.
If someone could bottle that feeling, they would be a trillionaire.
Because a crush is hopeful.
It makes you want to go to the gym.
I do love if Im on a set and a camera person is cute.
Its just like, Give me something to get out of bed for!
To make life interesting!
kind of thing, people develop feelings for each other.
If youre with somebody in a stressful, heightened situation, you are more sexually attracted to them.
Thats why onThe Bachelorthey want people to do something scary.
It reminds me that Im attractive and that I want to attract.
Parvati Shallow:A crush wakes up some dormant energy in you.
You float into the office like a twinkly little firefly.
That energy makes life worth living.
Its not all fun, of course lets talk about the worst parts of a crush.
I couldnt stop talking about the person.
You just feel out of the atmosphere.
Youre in outer space financially, sexually, physically, mentally.
It ruined my life because I just talked about it all the time.
Now I look back on it like, Was it everthatserious?
Ive realized he wasn’t as happy as I thought he was.
Hunter Harris:Theres some kind of mania to it: He didnt like my Instagram story!
He didnt comment on this!
Or: Did they post that Instagram story because they know I like that song?
I mean, who among us has not laid a snare in the Close Friends?
And yet… arent the painful parts of a crush also kind of the best part?
Casey Wilson: I 100% agree, especially for the emotional actress/Scorpio/Italian that I am.
All three of those things lend to someone who wants to wallow and heartbreak.
He was just like, Get ahold of yourself.
Its such a good book.
It helped me through my divorce and getting through my custody split and missing my daughter.
I was longing for her so much.
And there is something to that sense of longing.
Its a creative force.
Or RobynsDancing On My Own.
Its like pressing a bruise, or like pressing your gums when they tingle a bit.
Why does that feel kind of good?
Youve got to pick the scab.
Im done with that part.
How much of a crush is aboutthem, and how much of it is aboutus?
Jake Shane:A crush is probably like 99.9% projection.
Theyll probably give me like 0.1%.
I sound like Penn Badgley fromYou.
Tinx: Its like that saying, Only unrequited love can be romantic.
The magic of a crush is that its quite dependent on your imagination.
I find that people who are more creative get the craziest crushes.
Have you ever been around your friend whos nuts when they have a crush?
Im insufferable when I have a crush.
I mademy crush on Diploa two-year bit, OK?
I have no air of mystery, and thats a pretty key part of a crush.
Sasha Colby: Crushes are also a reflection of where you are at that moment in time.
Its a reflection of how you view yourself.
Thats why its the more intense and adult version of it.
[But both] feelings need each other very much.
Its hard to imagine getting to that place of love without some element of electricity.
I am always going to make a run at write about men the way they really are.
But if you want to write that romantic hero, you just have to make it up.
Do you act on your crushes?
Are crushes always meant to be acted on?
Sasha Colby: I feel crushes are in their own little lane.
Living in LA, I have so many: a grocery store crush, a guy-at-the-bank crash.
Just cuties where youre like, Thats my baby!
You make up like, Oh, thats my boyfriend!
Me and my friends do that all the time whenever we travel.
I think it goes without saying I have loved many a gay man.
And, honestly, that knowledge never really stopped me from trying.
Jake Shane:I cant have a crush if I dont think anything is going to come from it.
I will convince myself that its happening for me.
Im very 0 to a 100 there are no stages.
It explodes all at once, and that goes for anything in my life.
I have OCD, so I really hyperfixate on things.
Haley Mlotek:I am an avoidant crusher.
But I really am loath to text first.
In the last few years Ive developed this tendency of not saving their number in my phone.
I dont know why!
I dont think of it as a noncommittal thing, I think of it as maintaining the fantasy.
If I dont have a name in my phone, theres still the element of mystery involved.
Im like,theyre going to be my boyfriend.
Casey McQuiston:Crushes are like satellites.
Can a crush be a form of imitation?
If one of my friends asked me to do that?
Literally I wouldnt want to do anything less.
But in that moment, thats all I wanted to do.
A lot of motivation of going to dance class growing up was dance crushes.
Crushes really helped my career later!
Casey McQuiston: I only crush on people who I want to be more like in some way.
Theres a part of us inside that knows we are destined for greatness.
Casey McQuiston:Sometimes a crush and gender envy are really hard to distinguish from each other.
Do I want to be with you?
I will both crush on and envy the way that cis men can be feminine.
If I could perform being feminine as a dude, that would be gender euphoria to me.
I can have a crush on Jonathan Bailey and also understand thats not really my lane.
There is something about him that I would love to embody.
I think we should have a conversation about the difference betweenembodyandon my body.
And Peyton is a lesbian and her biggest crush is The Rock.
And she should love King Princess, but I am off-book on every King Princess song.
Crushes dont last forever how do they usually end for you?
Haley Mlotek:Sometimes getting stuck in that limbo stage is the cure for a crush.
Tinx:For me, the end of a crush is when reality is bigger than my imagination.
I just watchedThe Substanceand its exactly like that you have to balance it.
Casey McQuiston:A person cant be a hobby.
Margaret Cho: Rarely does a crush actually match what youve created them to be.
Hes out there, but its just a little bit more special.
Now, its so great.
Young women, theyre like, I have the ick, Imnotgetting over it.
Lets hear some of those crush-ending icks!
Casey Wilson:If someone likes you back too much immediately, I think were repulsed by that.
Margaret Cho:Weird social hierarchy, like if theyre rude to wait staff.
Hunter Harris:Dirt under your nails, thats really nasty to me.
If someone cuffs their jeans, its like, OK, were shutting this down completely.
Or if I hear someone likesThe Office.
Casey McQuiston:If I went over to your house and it was just a mattress on the floor.
Im 34 years old.
I need a Tempur-Pedic mattress, Im sorry.
What kinds of non-romantic crushes do you get?
Casey Wilson:I have felt the same feeling of a crush when I meet a new girlfriend.
I was struck by how much it resembled a real crush despite it not being sexual.
Casey McQuiston:I have a lot of culinary crushes.
Parvati Shallow: I get mind crushes.
I want to hear your opinions about where humans come from.
Margaret Cho: Aesthetic crushes are really where its at.
I always have a crush on Todd Haynes films.
Im always interested in mid-century modern house tours in the Hollywood Hills.
I just want to see what it looks like and what it would be like to live like that.
Can crushes co-exist with a committed relationship?
The thrill of it is that its out of your hands.
And thats sort of the antithesis of what we think of a crush as being.
It is possible, but it looks different.
Also, why do you even need to know, right?
If youre already in a relationship, you dont actually need to know.
But it still is fun to play with.
Its out of our hands.
Whats your best crush advice?
Its not worth it!
And she never texts questions texting a question leaves you vulnerable.
It has an implication of desperation.
I am a very forward person.
I would just ask someone out.
But then the day of, youre going, Did theyreallywant to be here?
I just wish I wouldve known if thered been more outward calls.
Candace Bushnell:Go on TikTok.
There are all of these people on TikTok, men and women who have all kinds of dating advice.
Theres the two-second look: You look at somebody for two seconds, then you look away.
Then you look back, you catch their eye for five seconds, then you look away.
And sure enough, theyll come over.
Theres some guy namedBenny Hart.
Hes always like, He doesnt call?
If hes not asking you out?
Youre texting with him, hes not asking you out?
I cant believe I even know about Benny, but I do.
Im like,Bennys cute.
I could tell his communication was falling off, but I couldnt stop.
So I simply took NyQuil at about 4 p.m. and put myself to bed.
I mean, thats disturbing.
I think theres something that really sets people off when you simply do not respond to them.
Ive been trying to say to women for years: A relationship for you is number one.
For a man, if youre lucky, its four or five on his list.
Tinx: I have thismanifestation tool called the crush list, which I talk aboutin my first book.
I suggest that people write a crush list in their phone.
It could be anyone: a cute person you see getting coffee, a celebrity.
That is just saying to the universe,I am ready for fun, cute energy.
Ive always been a big champion of crushes, and I am hoping everyone has a crush-filled year.
And also, crushes can happen at any age.
I feel like a lot of people cut themselves off.
Crushes are timeless, so indulge in one.
Itll make you happy.
Jisoo:I hope everyone feels comfortable and excited to explore their crushes, especially around Valentines Day!
Crushes and love can come in so many various forms, and they are all beautiful.
I was inspired by all of these various forms of love when creating my new mini album,AMORTAGE.
Thats the beauty of it.
Reporting by Nolan Feeney, Hannah Kerns, Hannah Orenstein, Greta Rainbow, and Michelle Toglia.
Interviews have been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.
